The next stage

Already half way into week two, I am beginning to realize that time is going to race by faster than ever.  Focusing on staying present in the moment and making the most of every day has never felt so urgent!  

I am finding it difficult to try and put into words all that I am learning, thinking about, and what is happening in my heart, but stuff is going on and it is GOOD.

So much has been encouraged in my heart and I delight to know more God more and more everyday.  This past weekend, I attended the Weekends@IHOP where I met about a dozen other Canadians who had come for a couple of days.  It was wonderful to be with them, and connected immediately despite the fact they were from all over the country.  With great teaching and wonderful seminars, there was much ignited in my spirit.  The highlight was the prophetic seminar that I attended on Saturday, where the opportunity was presented to come up and practice and grow in the gift of prophecy, which I felt called to do.  It turned into a hour of ministry and prophesying over the people in the room, from which I left and received prophetic ministry time back at the prayer room.  What an incredible experience to realize the delight and joy that God has for His people and be able to share that with them in ways that personally and individually touch them!  God loves to speak to His people!  What was said and shared with me was so encouraging and exactly what I needed to hear!  The things I had mediated on during the week and what God had been working in my heart prior to me moving down here was all confirmed and ignited even more.  I love it when God does that.

Some of the things I have been reading and thinking about include:

-The whole book of Isaiah! It has always been my favourite and I am receiving more understanding and revelation everyday.  

- The story and history of Israel, particularly the Exodus from Egypt and their exile in Babylon.  I don't know what it is, but these subjects are just fascinating me.  It is also the intercession sets for Israel that set my spirit on fire more than anything else and I often go back to them again and again on the webstream.

- I am reading through "Secrets of the Secret Place" by Bob Sorge, so everyday there is new revelation through that study.

- I think I have five books on the go, and they are all really good, I just have yet to finish one.

Living as part of the Greenwood house has been an incredible experience already.  I have been welcomed in and made just one of the girls.  Mandy, Christina and I get along really well, and Christina and I had a lovely girls night this week where we went shopping at The Plaza and out for coffee.  Gerry came up with an idea last week to have different people over to the house for us to cook for and host for an evening.  She is calling it "Greenwood Inn Hospitality Dinners," and we have decided that about once a week, we will invite different guys from this community to come over.  This is a great way just to bless the guys around IHOP and be sisters to them.  Gerry affectionately says that this is so that "her little darlings can practice keeping house and hosting for their own place one day."  This week we had a friend named Will stop by and it was a great evening! Monday night we will cook an Italian meal for two brothers.  This is turning into a highlight of my weeks!

As a house, we are also all involved in the "Lady In Waiting" book group.  With some other girls from the base, Gerry and Joanna have created a small group for young women to study about it means to "become God's best while waiting for Mr. Right."  The truth and life that I am taking from these Wednesday night meetings and reading through this book is completely shifting my thinking and paradigms! Realizing the amount of deep-set lies and deceptions about what it means to be a woman, how I think about marriage and singleness, and how I view myself is so good and so painful at the same time.  However, I desire to be all that God has created me to be and no longer want to be held back by lies, so I welcome the painful process of stripping away that which is not of God and clothing myself in His Word and Truth. 

I suppose you could say that I am coming out of the 'honeymoon season' of the novelty of it all being new and exciting, and beginning to deal with some very real and deep-rooted heart issues.  I knew this was coming...

Today has been especially potent in its realizations and the facing of some of the darkness and brokenness of my own life.  Being faced with the real questions of my soul, the fears and doubts that I still carry around, as well as being reminded of the fact that we fight not against flesh and blood but against powers and things unseen, it is all I can do to stand and say, "yet Lord Jesus, I praise You.  I simply desire You.  Reveal Yourself to me."

I would like to ask for prayer that this process be filled with grace, healing, restoration and freedom.   Also, if you could keep me in your prayers as I will begin a forty-day fast this week, focusing on interceding for my family, camp and personal breakthrough as I sit before the Throne of God and minister unto Him.

The Greenwood house is full this weekend with visitors as the Women in the Prophetic Conference begins tomorrow morning.  I am very excited to learn more about the Lord and to gaze upon His Beauty.

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Here are some pictures of the beautiful fall here in Kansas City.  I went adventuring a couple of afternoons with my camera and enjoyed the warm sunshine.

Brilliant colours everywhere!

A beautiful little waterfall.

Mr. Bumblebee's photoshoot

Shiloh Gardens - part of IHOP

Tornados, Ugly Runners and Disc Golf

There is a tornado siren right outside of the parking lot at the Missions Base that I am looking at from the cafe and kind of wish that I was here during tornado season. How cool would that be? I wonder what the siren sounds like? Would I even recognize it to be a warning?  I have never heard a tornado siren so would I think that it was just an emergency vehicle driving past or a car alarm?

During a lot of the intercessions sets, teams sing and pray about "sounding the alarm" from Joel 2:1: "Blow the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in My holy mountain!  Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the LORD is coming, for it is at hand."  With all that is happening in the world, the current economic disaster in the States and the elections taking place in North America, I was made to wonder if I sometimes miss the sound of the alarm.  Maybe we haven't heard it before so it is a foreign sound that we ignore, or perhaps it is so familiar that we simply tune it out, and perhaps we are living in a time when the trumpet is beginning to sound.  Seeing the big tornado horn at the top of the pole today reminded me to become more attuned to what God is doing in the earth, and to pay attention to what is happening. 

I am trying to make the most of the beautiful fall days here.  Even though it has rained the last couple of days, I still walk everywhere and just pull out the 'ol rain gear (which has the ever present, familiar and nostalgic drybag and fire scent clinging to the fabric).  I'm going to be in good shape at the end of this! I think I probably walked about 5 or 6 miles yesterday, up and down the hilly neighbourhood right around the Prayer Room...wearing the shoes...So, I took a pair of runners that mom had an extra set of...which I am very thankful for because they were free, but they just aren't the cute kind I would like....and they are a little bit too small for me. Because I walk everywhere I need to wear them, but they just make me feel like a power-walking mom who's trying to get rid of the baby fat from kid number six while her oldest kids are in school....hey wait, what am I complaining about?  That is the look I want to go for!!!! I should totally invest in mom jeans already and get a head start!

I am off to play some disc golf with Christina and some of her friends...who I don't know yet.  I've never played disc golf but I am pretty confident that it will be an embarrassing experience. So, here I go.  I will let you know what happens!

 

We aren't in Winnipeg anymore Toto.

I'm Here.

The physical, "here" is IHOP.  Kansas City, MO. Geri's house.  The Spiritual "here" is still unclear and less defined.  All I know is that God has called me to this place for a time, and I am being faithful to what He has said to me.  What this is going to be like or what I will experience is a complete mystery, but I am excited for whatever will happen.  I suppose I have some expectations, yet I really desire to be truly open and available to God during this season so that I might take in all that He has for me.  

So, sitting on a beautiful day bed I get to call my own in "The Nest," a sunken room at the back of the house that leads to the back patio, I am overwhelmed by the fact I am actually here.  The warm breeze is moving through the light, gauzy drapes, the fans are on and the sun is shining on me through the sunlights.  It is +28 today and the neighbour's voices are drifting in as they play football in the backyard.  Next door, they began raking the few leaves that have fallen and the deep accents of these southern people sooth and calm me to a deeper peace yet.  I am going to like it here!  

Church this morning was a wonderful experience - surrounded by hundreds of people, sitting with the Winnipeg crew (there were five of us this weekend), the message was powerful and the music phenomenal.  It connected deeply within me though I can't put words to it and simply made me more hungry for more of God...longing and yearning to experience Him more.  I can feel the stirrings and the shiftings in my Spirit already and know that I will be a different person by the end of this season.  I am going out for dinner for Kristi's birthday with the Sanctuary people tonight and am so glad that I know people already and am not totally alone at the beginning of this adventure.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  I hope to post on this blog at least once a week to let everyone know what is happening and a bit about what I am learning.

Blessings and peace to you my friends.

Forever Marked

Many people have noticed or heard that I had a couple of tattoos done this last month so I wanted to explain what they mean and why I got them done.  For a few years now, I have been saving money and thinking about if this was really something I wanted to do.  

It was on the staff training canoe trip this spring that I was really convinced that this was something I wanted.  The word that I was thinking about getting tattooed was "Beloved" - I am the beloved of Christ, part of the Bride (the Church) who is awaiting the return of the Bridegroom.  I could go on and on about all the thoughts and reasons that have gone through my mind, but it really came down to a conversation I had with God on the most rainy and cold day of the river trip.  Sitting in the bow, silently paddling down the river (I usually don't talk while I paddle, but love the days of silence to think and pray), drenched in cold rain, I simply closed my eyes and kept paddling.

Out loud, I began to sing, "Purify my heart, let me be as gold and precious silver...Refiner's Fire. My heart's one desire is to be holy, set apart for you Lord.  I choose to be holy, set apart for you my Master, ready to do your will....cleanse me from my sin, and make me holy...cleanse me from my sin deep within.."....over and over again as a deep longing and hearts cry.  I felt the rain hit me and it became like a cleansing shower, stripping away some of the hardness of my heart, and I heard the truth of God say over me, "You are clean, I have given you a pure heart.  You no longer need to believe the lies that you are not good enough or not worthy.  The names that you have called yourself for so long are not true, for you are worthy, I have created you in my image.  I love you, my daughter, my beloved."

Again and again those words filled my head and my heart, and with the rain, I let years of lies wash off.  I realized that for most of my life, it was not the pain of what others called me or what my peers thought of me that held me down, but rather those names and things that I called and believed about myself that hindered me from truly stepping into the fullness of who God had made me to be and the plans he had for me..."plans to prosper and not harm you, to give you a hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11).

Now, with the cleansing rain, God was saying, "I have called you by a new name; You are mine...Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him...Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?" (Is. 43:1, 7,18-19).  I was loved by God! His truth, finally getting from my head to my heart, hit with such clarity and power and the old lies and names washed away.  It was that moment that I knew that everyday I wanted to be reminded of who I was in Christ,that my Father in Heaven things of me and what my true identity is, that I wanted to be forever marked by God that I was His child and belonged to Him...

That same day, we camped next to a huge waterfall and I stood at the edge of the powerful, rushing water feeling renewed and filled with living water.

It truly was a new morning, with new mercies, and new perspective when I got out of the tent the next day!

The hebrew word "Ahab" can mean many things: to love, love for God, act of being a friend, lover, God's love toward man, lovely, loving, loveable, friend, beloved, and appears 208 times in the Old Testament.  

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength" Deut. 6:5. 

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love hIm, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?  Indeed heaven and the highest heaves belong to the LORD your God, also the earth with all that is in it" 10:12-14

"I will wash my hands in innocence; So I will go about Your alter, O LORD, That I may proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving, And tell of all Your wondrous works.  LORD, I have loved the habitation of YOur house, And the place where Your glory dwells" Ps. 26:6-8.

"He loves righteousness and justice; The earth is full of the goodness of the LORD" 33:5.

"Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, "Let God be magnified!"' 70:4.

"Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your names is ointment poured fourth; Therefore the virgins love you.  Draw me away!  We will run after you. The king has brought me into his chambers. We will be glad and rejoice in you.  We will remember your love more than wine.  Rightly do they love you.  I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon."  Song of Solomon 1:3-5

My second tattoo is also a long story, but I will just say for now that it is a representation of one of my favourite chapters in Scripture - John 15, and is a visible reminder to abide in Christ.

Two vines, different shades, intertwining, mirroring the character on my wrist and stylized to shape "J's" and then 15 leaves of different shapes of gray. 

"I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.  As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love.  These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  This is My commandment, that you love on another as I have loved you. Greater love has on one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.  No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.  These things I command you, that you love on another."

John 15:5-17

Older and Wiser

Older and wiser? 

Probably not, but I have always loved birthdays.  Last week was my "champagne" birthday...23 on the 23rd and though nothing magical happened, it was a beautiful day that felt different. Perhaps it was the fact that this was the first time that I have ever celebrated my birthday at camp or that it was the first time that my family were not there to celebrate with me.  It could also have been that there were only four people living on the island.

Growing up, birthdays were a big deal in the Stevens home as my parents loved to celebrate us and used the day to lavish us with love and attention.  From morning hugs and a special breakfast, to stories about the day you were born, memories of growing up, to getting picked up for lunch from school, and having a "birthday Supper" of your choice, you were definitely the princess of the day.

When normally I would awake to phone calls from grandparents and aunt's, this year I got up early to phone my Mom and say happy birthday to her.  This was a big birthday for her as well.  She was 23 when she had me, and now it was my champagne birthday.  I wanted to share it with her.  I wanted to hear the stories again.

My grandparents had a busy line so they did not experience me beating them at the phone game...but there was a longing in my heart... to hear Oma and Opa on the line at the same time...so happy and emotional with love for their eldest granddaughter.  I wish I could have heard Opa, unable to hear anymore but wanting to be in on the conversation none the less, saying how much he loves me and prays for me everyday (a couple of times a day), and hear him call me his princess.  They usually have to hang up because they are crying and can't talk anymore. 

I felt oddly small and distant.  With a huge island and no one yet awake, I just kind of walked aimlessly around and sat in the feeling of it being the end of a year...the beginning of another.  What does that mean?  What is this feeling? 

For the first time, when that question comes up like it always does: "So, do you feel any older?" I think that my answer would be "yes." The season has been long, much has happened - good and difficult, God has taught me much about His character and who He has created me to be, sleep has been sparse and hundreds of people have been transformed through their encounters with the Creator of the Universe in this place.  I guess exhaustion and being overwhelmed lead to feeling older.  

But it is one of the best feelings I have ever had!  

Seriously, this kind of exhaustion - the knowledge of what has all happened and been accomplished, and the overwhelming wave of God's goodness, provision, power and grace that washed over me. It kind of knocked me off my feet so that I would sit on my butt for a minute and realize God's presence deeper and nearer...

 "The everlasting God, The LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary.  His understanding is unreachable.  He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.  Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (Is. 40:28-31)...  

I feel older because I am a very different than the girl who a year ago just started with Inter-Varsity and who had no idea what was in store for her first season with camp.  I pray that I am able to say again next year, with excitement, that I feel older.  

I want to be different, I want to be transformed.  I want to wait upon the Lord ...dwell in His house and behold His beauty...

Karen, Joel and I went on an adventure for my birthday and took the first pictures of my new year.  It was a spectacular sunset!

I had to hold up the crumbling wall.

We cleaned and packed up all the tents. Folding the ground sheets was the hardest part but we had a good time!

My favourite activity in my little cabin in the woods.

Thank you God!