Strolling Home

Getting out of bed has been an adventure the last week or so.  My mind and Spirit are wide awake at 6am, however, my body protests loudly and usually wins, gripping tightly to the down duvet and pillow for just a little while longer.  Lying there usually means my mind begins to rev up for the day and my Spirit begins to pray for strength to simply make it through everything ahead.

Today was beginning along the same vein but for some reason, I was able to get up, dressed and out of the house for a walk in the early morning light and drizzle.  Sunday mornings in Wolseley are very quiet and serene.  I chose the most deserted, green, tree-canopy streets and was grateful for the gentle mist that fell on my face to help soothe my mind and heart.  I simply desired to go for a walk with Jesus and hear what was on His heart.

As I walked for over an hour along the beautiful streets of big, colorful, old houses with front porches, I couldn't help but dream about having my own home some day, about raising a huge family in a big old house, a garden and a dog.  I longed for a place of my own and a life seemingly far off.

It didn't take long before I was struck by the futility of those thoughts and the misplaced longing.  I was spending my time yearning for the future, for what could be, of a life that is not mine and a day far from today.  I was longing for beauty, for sanctuary, for belonging and for home.

The next moment I laughed out loud as it struck me: I may never have a house of my own.  I may never have a big family or spaces of beauty that I fantasize about...the garden, the library, the kitchen nook, oak staircases, bench by the river, big slobbery dog...
Because though those dreams are not bad in and of themselves, they will never ultimately satisfy or fulfill me.  That is not what I am made for; I was made for God and for another realm.  I was made for true communion with Christ and for paradise. 

Everything of this world will fall flat of the longing and inkling of beauty I desire.  The home I truly seek is in and with Christ.  Jesus is my home.  He is the fulfillment of my unsatisfied heart.  Anywhere, anytime, all the time, I can be at home and satisfied and surrounded by beauty and lack nothing.

Jesus heard my heart during this impromptu walk.  I had been longing for God and God alone, and in a still small voice, He spoke exactly what I had been desperate to hear all along....
"Janelle, I love your heart, your daydreams and all, and you are home."

And I laughed again.  For I felt His delight in the journey He had taken my heart through a Sunday morning stroll in Wolseley.

"Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You.  Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on a pilgrimage...For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.  I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness" (Ps. 84:4-5,10).