Strolling Home

Getting out of bed has been an adventure the last week or so.  My mind and Spirit are wide awake at 6am, however, my body protests loudly and usually wins, gripping tightly to the down duvet and pillow for just a little while longer.  Lying there usually means my mind begins to rev up for the day and my Spirit begins to pray for strength to simply make it through everything ahead.

Today was beginning along the same vein but for some reason, I was able to get up, dressed and out of the house for a walk in the early morning light and drizzle.  Sunday mornings in Wolseley are very quiet and serene.  I chose the most deserted, green, tree-canopy streets and was grateful for the gentle mist that fell on my face to help soothe my mind and heart.  I simply desired to go for a walk with Jesus and hear what was on His heart.

As I walked for over an hour along the beautiful streets of big, colorful, old houses with front porches, I couldn't help but dream about having my own home some day, about raising a huge family in a big old house, a garden and a dog.  I longed for a place of my own and a life seemingly far off.

It didn't take long before I was struck by the futility of those thoughts and the misplaced longing.  I was spending my time yearning for the future, for what could be, of a life that is not mine and a day far from today.  I was longing for beauty, for sanctuary, for belonging and for home.

The next moment I laughed out loud as it struck me: I may never have a house of my own.  I may never have a big family or spaces of beauty that I fantasize about...the garden, the library, the kitchen nook, oak staircases, bench by the river, big slobbery dog...
Because though those dreams are not bad in and of themselves, they will never ultimately satisfy or fulfill me.  That is not what I am made for; I was made for God and for another realm.  I was made for true communion with Christ and for paradise. 

Everything of this world will fall flat of the longing and inkling of beauty I desire.  The home I truly seek is in and with Christ.  Jesus is my home.  He is the fulfillment of my unsatisfied heart.  Anywhere, anytime, all the time, I can be at home and satisfied and surrounded by beauty and lack nothing.

Jesus heard my heart during this impromptu walk.  I had been longing for God and God alone, and in a still small voice, He spoke exactly what I had been desperate to hear all along....
"Janelle, I love your heart, your daydreams and all, and you are home."

And I laughed again.  For I felt His delight in the journey He had taken my heart through a Sunday morning stroll in Wolseley.

"Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You.  Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on a pilgrimage...For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.  I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness" (Ps. 84:4-5,10).

My brother says I'm funny

It may shock some to know that for much of my childhood/teenage/college years I did not like anything. And I mean anything!  I had what my sister describes as, "Phases," throughout that time of interests, hobbies or activities that I would get "very passionate about for a little while, perhaps a year or so if it was lucky, and then fizzle out never to appear again." But I lacked true enjoyment and genuine interest.  Each "phase" is now a great inside joke or embarrassing recollection.  Yes, I would get "very passionate" about hand-washing, or field hockey, or being famous one day, or not washing my hair, or PlusOne (pretty sweet Christian boy-band back in the day), or javelin and discuss throwing but I did not have true enjoyment or lasting pleasure in those things.

Most of the things that I have gotten into during my life have been for one or two reason:
1) To try to fit in
2) To try to be different and stand out

I would become involved in activities, interests, groups of people, ways of thinking - in "phases," because I wanted to fit into my family or friend group, or because I didn't feel like I fit in, to go the total other direction and stand out so that I would get attention for being different.

I remember some years, particularly in my "dark, depressed, cave days" in university, I did not like anything.  It would be impossible for me to make decisions at a restaurant because I truly did not know what I liked to eat.  I would not want to do any social activity or hobby because I could not think of a single thing I would like to do.  I never bought new clothes because I didn't like anything that was in the mall...not a single thing, so I wore the same pair of sweat pants for my whole degree.  Gross, yes, but you do what you got to do.

Thankfully, God chose to have a different testimony come from my life! Over the last couple of years, through the power of the redemption of Christ by His salvation and gift of the Holy Spirit, my heart, mind and emotions have been apart of a healing process that looks more like a total overhaul.  Long way to go still?  YES! But man am I excited to love things and find new things that I like all the time! 

My brother told me this week that I was funny.  I like that!  (One of the best compliments ever, especially when it comes from a 16yr. old boy)

My sister said that she noticed I have been really happy and fun to be around the last couple months.  I love that!

They for sure would not have said that a year or two ago.  They did not want to go near me, especially when I was a student and feared coming near my bedroom - I was like a troll in a cave, and if I ever came out, you better be hiding or far far away!  I actually enjoy doing things now, and can finally choose what I would like to order off a menu, though I do have a default setting where I really ever get chicken fingers and fries.  I even suggest activities that would be fun because I finally know what I like, and not just what other people like or how I can just be different. Now that is testimony of what Jesus can do when we surrender, and allow Him to bring healing and freedom...He releases JOY!  I will continue on this path because it is way better than disliking everything in and around you.

Here's a sample list that I put together in 2 minutes of things I really, genuinely like right now:
(I have a tendency to say that each one of these "is, like, my favourite thing in the whole world"... I'm a little passionate now about liking and loving things, what can I say?)

Christy & Ryan {Engagement}

I was giddy for days following my first portrait-taking experience.  My beautiful cousin, Christy, asked if I would be interested in doing some engagement photos for her and for me to practice my photography.  I was incredibly nervous, as my photography is mostly still-life and I have stayed away from portraits.  However, with a great venue in mind and two very good-looking people, I figured it wouldn't be too hard.  I even suggested that I just use a disposable camera because there would be some shots that would turn out with these odds. 

Christy and Ryan, thanks for the fabulous experience and for trusting me with this.  You're an incredible couple.  I'm looking forward to being a part of your wedding!

Here are a couple of the shots from that day.  What fun!
(Keep in mind, these are my first attempts at portraits and editing...I have much to learn).

The roof was a risky location, but well worth the view.

The giant windows on the second floor created wonderful lighting and great structure.

We just had to use this giant black door!

a2a

Sitting on the almost empty bus this morning, my daily, quite, introverted ride to work was interrupted with the burden of intercession out of Joel 2 for the city of Winnipeg.  The public transit system might not seem like the most appropriate place for strategic prophetic intercession, but if that is where the Spirit chooses, I'll say 'yes.'  There was just a gripping around my heart for people to know Jesus, and the love of the Father.  This is such GOOD NEWS, and I am desperate for the thousands who call Winnipeg home but do not yet know the freedom and grace of God through the death and resurrection of His Son, to truly transformed by the Gospel.  God is looking for a resting place, a Church, a Bride, that is ready and waiting for His return; loving Jesus, filled with the Spirit, and living out the Kingdom.  In that worn carpet-upholstered, sideways bench at the back of the #11, I felt the question of God to our city resonate in my Spirit: "Where is my resting place?"

Question:  "Heaven is My throne, and earth is My footstool.  Where is the house that you will build for Me?  And where is the place of My rest?" (Isaiah 66:1)
Answer:  "I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the LORD, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob...Let us to into His tabernacle; let us worship at His footstool.  Arise, O LORD, to Your resting place, You and the ark of Your strength" (Ps. 132:4-5, 7-8).

At SHOP on Sunday, these verses were highlighted and the point made that we are to be the dwelling place, the temple of the Holy Spirit...each of us, and more largely, as the Body of Christ.  The transportation-intercession this morning was for a city to be made whole in Christ and to come together to be a resting place of the Lord standing before Him as a royal priesthood, simply ministering to His heart through praise, worship and prayer... for there to be an established daily reality of 24/7 incense burning before the throne of God.

What that looks like, or how that happens, I don't know.  But here are some things that are taking place in the city of Winnipeg in the next few months that we can partner with now and see the church begin to come together.


The Awakening (Edge of Time facebook page)
April 12 7pm
Winnipeg Art Gallery

Acts 2 Assembly (a2a facebook page)

Joyful, Joyful

If anyone has been following the IHOPU Student Awakening at all from Kansas City (watch online), you will have picked up on the powerful move of the Holy Spirit that has been taking place since November 11, 2009 and is spreading to all the nations of the earth. I had the unbelievable experience of being there that first week when the Lord began moving in an unusual way among the students and attended the first nightly meeting along with some good friends from SHOP. Some may know my testimony from that week and the weeks following, but I have not been the same since then; with the Lord healing my body and my heart in significant ways, breathing new fire and passion upon my heart to pursue Him and love Him with complete abandon. Even now, coming through a forty-day fast, full of new revelation, deep communion, calling and direction, I could never have imagined any of things taking place in my life even six months ago. I am so thankful and overwhelmed by the gracious love and profound power of Jesus. His resurrection power is as real today as it was on that original Easter Monday!

A significant part and facilitator of the move of the Holy Spirit down at IHOP are the faithful singers, musicians and intercessors, who day-in and day-out set their hearts before the Lord to minister to Him and praise His name. Through prayer, music and song, people around the world are able to engage in what God is doing in the earth right now and join in agreement. There are many songs that have come out of the Awakening Meetings - prophetic proclamations and adoration that have become markers in encounters with God and revelatory experiences about His Heart, character and purposes in the earth. I really do suggest that you go back and watch some of the archives from the meetings and let the songs impact your heart. Added to the list of favourite songs and choruses, like "Marriage Wine," "It's Just a Little While, "I've got a Reason to Dance," "Now I Have a Purpose," is a new arrangement of "Joyful, Joyful" (In the fashion of the Sister Act 2 finale). I am filled with joy every time I hear it to a point of not being able to focus on anything else but the love and joy of the Holy Spirit. Here is one of the live sets of Laura Hackett from the Awakening Meeting (watch April 1, 9:30pm):

His Eyes

Revelation 19:12 "His eyes were like a flame of fire and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself."

Song of Solomon 5:12 "His eyes are like doves by the rivers of water, washed with milk, and fitly set."

Until recently, the seeming obscurity of these verses would have warranted only a small glance as I passed over them onto something else more gripping. But now, there is nothing more captivating and revelatory than these verses to my heart. Thanks to my friend Rebecca, who lead our 8:30 set team at Sanctuary House of Prayer, and had us focus on these verses last week, these two passages jumped to life. They helped to give understanding and language to what God has been doing in my heart over the last 40 days or so.

During this season of fasting, I have been meditating on the First Commandment (Matt. 22:37) and feeling the tangible longing to be fully united with Christ - to love Him fully with all of my life and to experience His love and communion. I have woken up some mornings to tears and pain in my heart and soul because I so desperately want more of God and to know Him.

That is where these passages about Christ's eyes break in; they speak of His burning desire and passion, His kindness and longing for me! He was the One to love me with all of Himself, to the point of suffering and death on the cross for me to be reconciled with the Father. It is His all-consuming love that burns for me, and His longing for a Bride to be pure and spotless for the day of His Return..."Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready" (Rev.19:7). The longing in my heart is only because the Spirit of God is inside of me, working out faith and love through wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus (see Eph.1:17).

And then the first and great commandment folds into that thought so seamlessly in my heart: Matt.22:37 is in the larger story of chapter that He begins with the parable of the wedding feast. He gives the great commandment in the context of the message of the kingdom being like a marriage relationship. Jesus is calling them to wholehearted love. It's like Jesus is saying, "It's about loving me with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. Why? Because I love you with all of my heart, my soul, my strength." It's about being equally yoked in love forever!!

We are meant to love Jesus with the same intensity that He loves us! We are meant to be a Bride, pure and spotless, ready and waiting for His return, to be equally yoked to Him forever. Obviously, our capacities and ability to love are meager compared to the greatness of the Lord, who's very essence is love. He is the One whose eyes are like a flame of fire! He is the One who pursues us. It is He who will "Rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing" (Zeph.3:17). As we gaze at Him, spend our life loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, we will be burned, purified, and refined in the fiery love of His gaze. He gazes at us; we gaze at Him; and we are not the same.

There is a power and intensity in Rev.19:12 that resonates in my spirit, and leaves an echo that increase the ache and longing for more of Him. And the gentleness, care, compassion and deep affection in Song of Solomon description of the dove's eyes, soothes my heart with reassurance and gratitude for this love.

I'm left lovesick and aching for more.

Some of these thoughts have been inspired by listening to the First Commandment series from IHOP. Here's a little taste:
Mike Bickle says, "Can you imagine the indescribable reality of the Genesis 1 God; the God who created....He loves me..and you..with all of His heart, with all of His mind, with all of His strength! This is indescribable good news!" (First Commandment Series: Session 08. End of the Age Ministry Paradigm).

Coffee from the Sky

This will make anyones day:

This weekend was beautiful out, so I took the chance to grab the camera and head out to my favourite locations in the Exchange. Cassia met me downtown, later to be joined by Rebecca and Shira. We had a fun afternoon of trying on vintage clothing, playing in a toy store for an hour, and basking in the Spring sunshine.

This however, just made the day even better:

Across the street from Vintage Glory, there was a little booth thing that had a sign saying “Please ring for free gift of coffee,” providing a cup dispenser and a little garbage can. If you waited, coffee would flow down from a fourth floor window to the end of a tube and into your cup. This little booth made peoples days!

Everyone was smiling and yelling, “Thank you free-coffee -people”… “Thank you coffee-from-the-sky!” What a great idea.

I didn't drink the coffee because I was a little wary of any beverage coming out of the end of a very long hose, especially from a mysterious location, but it still made me laugh and warm on the inside.